Chicken Addiction

I have 14 adult hens and planned on getting rid of most of them this year and replacing them with 'coop ready' pullets. I want to reduce my numbers to 8 laying hens and four decorative hens.

I decided in December I was not getting any chicks this year...

How did I end up with 15 chicks??? A few weeks ago I had a dream I was at the local farm supply store picking out chicks so I decided I'd just get a few, eight. Then I got to the store...

All those adorable fluffy chicks! So I decided to get a few extra "Easter Egg" chicks, and let's try a leghorn and some D'uccles... Oh I better get at least two of those since they might be males... I'd love another frizzle, better get four since half won't be frizzles and half will be male... and I want to replace my gold silkies with black or white, better get four to make sure I get a female. The Welsummers look cute, get one of those.

OOOPS! 16 chicks. Hmmm.

One died so that took my numbers down and two are definitely male so I will be down to 13 for sure. Hmmm but maybe I'll keep that white frizzle male and let him breed with my white frizzle female? Uh oh!

So I am resolved I will get rid of at least two silkies, one male, the Welsummer... that takes me down to 12. The plan is to get rid of all but two of my existing flock.... still leaves me with 14. Somehow I've got to get the numbers down by more than that.

Serious chicken problem.

Deserve? Need?

I'm tired of hearing commercials tell me I 'deserve' their product. Usually this is a big ticket item like a newer car. I know the advertising agency knows what deserves means and play on the culture of immediate gratification;

Main Entry: de·serve
Pronunciation: \di-ˈzərv\

Function: verb

Inflected Form(s): de·served; de·serv·ing

Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French deservir, from Latin deservire to devote oneself to, from de- + servire to serve

Date: 13th century

transitive verb : to be worthy of : merit s

another chance>intransitive verb : to be worthy, fit, or suitable for some reward or requital

Deserve; To be worthy of by merit.

I think the use of the word deserve in advertising speaks to the sorry state of so many people today who believe they deserve to have every physical luxury available for purchase. 

So many people also have an inappropriate definition of what they 'need.' I hear people say then need a microwave, a computer, internet, a car and cable, a television for that matter. I've done without all of those things and I lived just fine.  In fact without those things my life was often fuller and more enjoyable.

Yes my life was more enjoyable without a television, in fact I have now changed my relationship with the television as a result of how much my quality of life improves without the use of the television. I turn the television on once a day to use a work out video and I turn it on Saturday and Sunday for a few hours.

I think I have learned what I really need to have a happy life; food, shelter, family and friends.

Cat person

I'm a cat person. I have two kitties I adore.

I haven't seen them much lately because I got a dog.

I wanted a dog as a protector. So after looking carefully I found one I thought would suit me best. He is crate trained, house trained and already knows the sit command. He's a bit bigger than I wanted, about 50lbs instead of 30.

So I am adjusting to life with a dog. I definitely get more exercise, I walk him for 20 minutes or longer each day. He waits to eat until I tell him to and he usually leaves the cat food alone. He lays by me when I nap.

I have to pick up his giant poos. Sometimes he randomly barks at me which makes me jump. He demands attention in the evening when I just want to knit. I would walk him but it's dark and cold. I'm trying to teach him to lay at my feet so I can rub his belly with my foot. When he does this he is quiet and happy. I also have two birds and I'm working on teaching him they are pets not treats.

He does make me feel safer. He makes me laugh when he sits on his tail and wags it hard.

Surviving

I'm writing today because I feel the need to send into the universe my grief and reclaim my power. Just maybe someone else will also be able to reclaim their power too.

Powerless, afraid, sad, alone, stuck, future-less, broken, pain... I was a little kid and did not have the words to explain my feelings and didn't know there was one word to describe all the feelings.

Nearly 30 years ago I learned what it felt like to be a the victim of sexual assault. It took a decade to reclaim my power and banish the word victim from my vocabulary. I learned some valuable lessons; I could chose my path and did not need to be defined by the choice of another person to perpetrate a crime.

I became a survivor.

Today that dirty word, victim, crept back into my vocabulary. I don't want it there.

About a month ago a stranger broke into my home and sexually assaulted me.

Initially it was easy to call myself a survivor...

I was in shock. It took a week to remember to do all the steps of bathing myself, I even forgot to wash the conditioner out of my hair.

Then it was denial; "I was just a little event, no big deal..." I was frustrated I was not functioning well; my memory and concentration were little or none, I walked through my days like a zombie. 

There is still a lot of denial.

Today I feel like a victim.

This time my head can tell me many things are not true. I am not alone, I have experienced an outpouring of love and support from family, friends, co-workers and even some strangers in my local church group. My head says I am not broken, I am not powerless and there is a future for me. The fear is subsiding, I remind myself I have an alarm system and a dog.

Unfortunately the head can only do so much to convince the heart...

Maybe it's okay to feel like a victim for a while. Maybe it's okay to say, "I feel broken and powerless" and accept those feelings... after all no feeling is "bad or wrong." These feelings are uncomfortable and painful but pain is often part of healing. I know pushing feelings and thoughts away is not effective, sometimes it is necessary to sit in the feeling, acknowledge it is there, it's a valid feeling.

I wish I had the answer. I wish my past experience had created a perfect road map to travel through this event in record time. It didn't.

So today I will sit in this feeling for a while then do some things to take care of myself... nap, love on my pets, clean house, paint my toes, knit, eat something good for me, take a walk, reach out to a friend or two... I know I won't do all of them and that's okay too.

This feeling won't last forever but it won't go away overnight either... but it will go away because I am a survivor.

Suicide

A few months ago a coworker of mine died suddenly by committing suicide. I have been deeply affected by his death.

I have chosen to participate in the Walk Out of the Darkness event in Salt Lake City on Saturday September 15, 2012 in his memory. I am spreading the word that I am looking for sponsors.

Please consider donating a dollar.

Fingerless gloves - Crochet

I haven't written up this pattern but wanted to share this idea for my crocheting friends out there.

This idea is a simple way to make a fingerless glove that fits well. Working in the back loops creates a stretchy fabric and eliminates the need to add or subtract stitches for shaping.

I used worsted weight yarn and a 'H' hook. Make a chain as long as you want your glove measuring from the top of the palm. Crochet in back loop until the glove fits snugly around your wrist and loosely around your palm. Join into a tube leaving a hole for your thumb about 1.5 inches from the top.

You can leave the thumb as it is or sculpt a thumb cover. That's the tricky part. I will write this up later.

This idea can easily be altered. For a lacy version double or triple crochet and chain one or three between each stitch on one row then alternated on the next rows.

No means NO - Rape

I'm keeping this posting brief. It's really a rant I want to make to someone I don't want to maintain contact with.

I went out with this guy, he was nice and I kind of liked him. He was a bit pushy but I thought I'd give him a chance. Against my better judgement I let him come to my home at 9:30 pm. Now in my book meeting after 8:00 pm is questionable and at 10:00 pm it's a booty call. I made it clear to this guy before I let him come over that I was not interested in a booty call. He said I should stop thinking 10 pm is a booty call.

He came over and was still pushy but seemed to be respecting my boundaries for a while then he stopped. I won't give details, lets just say he kept pushing at my boundaries trying to get me to let him have what he wanted despite being told no. I had started to worry he would not take no for an answer. Finally instead of saying, "not tonight" and kindly pushing him away I used my no-nonsense voice to say, "No" and pushed harder.

He stopped.

Clearly he - like some other men I've been around - doesn't understand no means no. Pushing and coercing equals rape.  Most law is now written that a person only needs to say 'no' once for your action to be rape. No MEANS NO!

Today when I told him I have no interest in seeing him again and let him know he showed he does not respect me and can not trust him he says, "I don't think we did anything wrong." WE? Listen buddy, I'm proud of myself for standing my ground. YOU did do something wrong.